Monthly Archives: June 2018

Ranking the 16 Teams Left in Terms of Who I Want to Win

It’s here! The Knockout Stage has arrived, bringing with it everything Americans love about sports!

You like elimination games? Got those too!

You hate ties? So do we! How about some penalty kicks if overtime isn’t enough?

Now is the perfect time to jump on board the World Cup if you aren’t already on the bandwagon. And if you’re not sure which team you should root for, come up with a totally random points system. That’s what I did!

Here’s the system I created to find out who I should cheer for:

• Star Power: I ranked every team handed out the most points to the brightest stars (16 to 1 pts).

• Fan Hunger: The more World Cup success the team has, the less hungry their fans are (16 to 1 pts).

• Kit Points: The better looking your set of kits it, the more you score (5 to 0 pts).

• Bonus Points: a handful of teams deserved bonus points for random reasons (Up to 10 pts).

From Last to First, here are the teams I am rooting for in the 2018 World Cup

16 – Spain: 8 Points

Star Power Points: 10

Fan Hunger Points: 1

Kit Points: 2

Bonus Points: -5

The negative bonus points are for winning it all […]

10 Things I’ve Learned in the First Two Weeks of the World Cup

The World Cup started two weeks ago today, and during this last fortnight, while my son has played over 50 hours of Fortnite, I’ve watched over 50 hours of soccer.

That’s a lot of kicks, grabs, headers, tackles, saves, goals, flops, and thunder claps.

I’m learning a lot about the game (and myself) as I immerse myself into it, so without further ado, here are ten things I didn’t know two weeks ago that I know now.

1 – I’ve learned who my soccer-loving friends are.

Since I announced that I was doing this project two weeks ago I’ve heard from a lot of friends who said they were jealous of me or excited that I was trying to embrace their favorite sport. Shawn, Joaquin, Jason, Alejandro, Kyle, and a few of others think I am living the dream right now.

That being said…

2 – I’ve learned that a lot of people I know don’t love soccer

For every one person who has expressed genuine interest in my World Cup Immersion, I’ve had at least nine tell me that I’m insane for taking on such a torturous assignment. The words they use…so hurtful. What did soccer ever do to you?

A sampling of actual things people have said to me…

“It’s just so boring. No one scores and everyone flops.”

“Hey, let’s run around for 90 […]

When Real Life Gets in the Way of the World Cup

As of Sunday evening here on the East Coast, the 2018 World Cup halfway over. 32 games have been played, 32 games remain.

How many of those 32 games have I watched, you ask? Well, I’d love to tell you I cleared everything off my schedule for the last 11 days and did not miss a single match, but that would be the equivalent of a Suarez embellishment on a phantom tackle. In other words, ugly and fake.

Here’s the good news: I watched the first 16 matches of this World Cup in their entirety. From Russia’s 5-0 romp over Saudi Arabia to Japan’s surprise 2-1 win over Columbia five days later. Not to pat myself on the back, and definitely not to pat Pepe on the back, but it was an impressive start.

A few days ago I shared the most frequently asked questions I’ve gotten since I started this project, but one question I left off that list was this: “How are you making time to watch all this soccer?!?!”

For the first 16 games I was a machine. Everything and everyone took a back seat to my new soccer appetite. It also helped that I didn’t have anything on the calendar that couldn’t be moved, which was incredibly serendipitous.

But after those first 16? Well, real life tried […]

A Q&A With Our Soccer Skeptic

As my friends and family have taken notice of this World Cup Immersion project, I’ve received a lot of questions via texts, tweets, messages, and even in person.

So, I thought I’d compile the seven most frequently asked questions I’ve been getting, along with my answers.

“Who are you rooting for to win it all? Do you have a favorite team?”

With the U.S. not in this tournament, I certainly did not have a clear-cut favorite coming in, but there is one team I am pulling for above all the others. That team is Portugal.

My mother’s side of the family comes from Portugal – the Madeira Islands of Portugal to be exact – so I’ve got a lot of Portuguese blood running through my veins. Couple the genetics with my predilection for watching the biggest stars perform on the biggest stage, and that makes Ronaldo’s side the team I am pulling for the hardest right now.

My Honorable Mention? Denmark, but only because I want to yell “Schmeichel!” every time he makes a save as much as possible over these next few weeks.

“There are so many games! Are you looking forward to this tournament being over already?”

Absolutely not. But I will say that I am starting to get antsy for the knockout stage to begin, for two reasons.

One – I’m looking forward to better matchups. The possibility of a Brazil – Germany matchup in […]

Everyone Has Played Once, Time for Some Awards!

With the end of the Poland vs. Senegal match Tuesday afternoon I’ve now seen all 32 teams play across these 16 games. You know what that means, right?

Time for some awards!

That’s right, I’m excited to announce the first ever Schmeichel Awards!

(You’ll have to read on understand the name.)

THE SCHMEICHEL AWARDS

Best Win

And the Schmeichel goes to … MEXICO for their 1-0 win over Germany. They beat the defending champs, and their fans celebrated so hard that it was picked up by seismographs in Mexico City. Is there anything better in sports than a passionate fanbase winning as underdogs? I think not.

Best Draw

And the Schmeichel goes to … PORTUGAL AND SPAIN for their 3-3 draw. This was the best game of the first 16 for me. It had everything: big stars coming through in big moments, multiple lead changes, an amazing strike (by Nacho), a late goal, and a hat trick from arguably the game’s best player. More of this in my life, please.

Best Loss

And the Schmeichel goes to … there is no winner! This was a trick category! There is no such thing as a good loss in the World Cup. (See, I’m learning about soccer!)

Best Snack I Ate

And the Schmeichel goes to … MICROWAVE POPCORN COVERED IN PARMESAN CHEESE. I enjoyed it so much on Friday that I […]

Since today is the longest day of the World Cup, and in light of the dream about Bill Simmons I had last night, let’s do a running diary of all four games today!

5:41am – The alarm goes off, and I’m out of bed. I immediately remember a dream I had about Bill Simmons where my wife and I asked him for a tour of his offices. He declined but instead gave me his cellphone number, because dreams are dumb and never make sense. I decide that today would be a good day to borrow one of Bill’s favorite column formats, the running diary.

5:50am – First cup of coffee and a few minutes of quiet time, bible reading and prayer. There’s a lot of soccer to be watched today, Lord give me the strength.

6:00am – And we’re off. France vs. Australia. Should be noted that Australia’s yellow on yellow kits are a crime against my eyes. Very possible that INTERPOL shows up at some point to make some arrests, surprised the announcers haven’t mentioned this yet.

6:25am – FOX’s color guy for this game, Tony Meola, might have the most subdued tone of any announcer I’ve ever heard, and that’s the kindest way I can put it. Inflection and volume are your friend, Tony. I’m wondering if he switched up his nightly sleeping pill and morning vitamins?

6:45am – Well that was the most boring half of soccer of the tournament […]